Regret or Self-Compassion

I have been chewing on a Mark Manson post about how to let go of your regrets for more than a week. If you know me, you know that I’m a big Mark Manson fan (example 1, 2, 3, 4). Interestingly (to me at least), almost every post where I reference Mark Manson, I also reference a book or works by Kristin Neff on Self Compassion. And, also, yet, while I’ve been doing this for a few years, I never actually made the connection until this week.

And this is the bit that made it all come together for me:

Regret is a form of self-hatred. If who you are today is a culmination of all of the acts that have led up to this moment, then the rejection of some past act is therefore a rejection of some part of you in this moment. Hating some part of yourself in the present messes you up psychologically. But hating a part of your past is not much different. It harbors shame and resentment. It inculcates self-loathing. And it makes you a real drag at parties, metaphorical and otherwise.

But the way to get over regret is not to ignore it. It’s to push through it. It’s to engage that former self, to talk to them directly and understand why they did what they did. It’s to sympathize with that former self, to care for them, and ultimately, forgive them.

from: Mark Manson: How to Let Go of Your Regrets

So that second bit is all about self-compassion. I think growth needs both. A bit of regret to change who you become AND a bit of self-compassion so you can actually become that new better person. A lot of this is tied to the stories we tell ourselves, our personal narratives. And, that is something we can change. I don’t think it’s easy, but it’s worth thinking about.

I don’t know why, but Mark Manson’s article has me thinking about the Billie Eilish song “Everything I wanted.”

What do you regret? How has it changed you? Are you still beating yourself up or have you found forgiveness for that younger (more) flawed version of yourself?