And then one day it just feels like family

I went digging through an old journal from 2011. Back then I wrote:

For years I have felt like a stray, hungry, cold, feral dog trying to slink up to the group huddled around the fire. I never knew how to approach. I would crawl on my belly, tail between my legs, knowing that I would not be truly welcome, that I’d be kicked away or bitten, always an outsider.

Now, I have my own fire and people seem drawn to it. I’m not quite sure what to make of it but it feels good. I was telling a friend about this, and he said that I will truly begin to shine when I lose the fear of who I am. At an evening work event an older man I had never met before came up to tell me a story and remarked on how “bright and shiny” I was.

I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I just attended a Thanksgiving event at a friend’s house. I have been going there for years. Her kids now have kids of their own. Her friend’s kids are starting to bring their own significant others. I have seen the group grow over the years as more people like me have been collected into the inner circle.

It feels like home to me, now, but I remembered that I didn’t always feel that way, anywhere.

Day 26, #BlogPals19